The Idiocy of Men's Magazines part 2

So, apparently when Maxim gave Sarah Jessica Parker the "unsexy" label, it was the gift that just kept on giving.

A few months later, and she's still fielding media questions about the "article" with her reaction being carefully scrutinized every step of the way. I imagine she's pretty fucking tired of hearing about it - I know I am. But I do like what feministe's Jill had to say about it:

"That isn’t a sign of personal weakness on her part; it’s a recognition that “ugly” is one of the worst slurs you can throw at a woman (and especially one whose career largely depends on her being perceived as attractive). Maxim’s Unsexiest award also serves as a way of keeping other women in line — if even someone as famous and lovely as Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t sexy enough (because of her long face? her age? her refusal to stay in the role of the vapid pretty girl? her business sense? her stable personal life?), where does that leave the “real” women who date Maxim’s target audience?"

When I consider how men (and women) use looks-based insults to denigrate women, or keep us in line, I can't help but recall some of my own personal experiences. (I'm still told by complete strangers to "grow some tits" as if having a rack acceptable for their ogling should be my goal in life.) It does frustrate me that male entitlement leaves women in the position to be constantly fielding unsolicited remarks ("complimentary," or otherwise) from men they encounter on a daily basis. Most recently, a complete stranger told me that I had beautiful eyes and that it made him "want to see tears in them."

So, here's my statement of outrage:

I'm not here to be attractive to you. That is not my purpose in life. My worth doesn't hinge on whether I turn you on, or off, or into a raging puddle of hormones. I will not be validated through your sexual fantasies about me, nor do I want to be informed of them, unsolicited. My importance is not determined by whether or not I'm "your type." My outward appearance does not need to fit your narrow, subjective standard of "beauty" to be relevant. My mind does not place second to my looks. My personality does not place second to my looks. My integrity is not tied up in how I present myself outwardly. I was not forced to cultivate a sense of humor because I'm not a "bombshell." I didn't develop intellectual interests because "no guy would have me." I do not have a great personality to "snag a man." If I'm pretty, that doesn't mean I'm also stupid. If I'm ugly, that doesn't mean I'm also worthless.

I am good enough, damnit! Deal with it.

Rape Myths

This is posted for the benefit of one of the guys I've always counted as a friend. But if you can't be a friend to women, dude, then you obviously can't be a friend to me.

Earlier, we spoke of my volunteer work and sexual violence against women, and you made the shocking claim that most reported rapes were false accusations, and that women lie, and basically fed me a cute little list of rape culture rhetoric. Here's a thank-you note.

I particularly want to draw your attention to this rape myth:

Women lie about being sexually assaulted to get revenge, for their own benefit, or because they feel guilty afterwards about having sex.
reality: Women rarely make false reports about sexual assault. Acquaintance sexual assault is the most underreported crime in Canada. Only 6% of sexual assaults are reported to the police. As well, false accusations of rape happen no more often than false reports of other types of crime: about 2 to 4%, which means 96 to 98% of the reports are true. (Source: University of Alberta - 'Sexual Assault and the Law in Canada' )

Hopefully, you'll take this opportunity to educate yourself and stop contributing to a women-blaming culture that trivializes sexual violence. Call me only when you're ready to admit you're wrong.